i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
