I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
