I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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