Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
