If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
