finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
