you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
