ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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