she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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