So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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