Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
