and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
