cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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