Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
