Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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