Christians are straight up FREAKS
you would pick up someone in the library
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
