they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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