Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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