Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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