put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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