Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
