seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
