with your own penis?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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