2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
