i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
