6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
