The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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