the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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