I think my fart just growled at me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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