I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
