This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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