Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
