I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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