Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
