You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize