His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
