Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
