if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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