it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
only if we run a train.
done.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
