well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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