if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
