her vagine was all disorganized.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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