Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
