Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
