Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
