I cockslap morals
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
