Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
