Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
