i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
