her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
