I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
