i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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