I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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