you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
