she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
