We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
