I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
