maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
